📍New Zealand Parenting Diary Day 5｜The trash we brought back and learning self-discipline; sometimes going slow is also a form of growth!

Last night, while organizing the backpack at home, I noticed that my child's lunchbox still had a piece of unfinished bread and a banana peel, along with an empty yogurt container. A whole bag of things was left untouched in the lunchbox and backpack, brought back home.

I instinctively asked, "Why didn't you throw the trash away?"

He said, "I didn't know where to throw it."

It was then that I realized—his personality is quite sensitive; it might not be that he is lazy or careless, but rather that he doesn't know how to ask. He is unsure if that trash can be thrown away casually, uncertain if that trash bin is the right one, and doesn't dare to act rashly.

So we practiced a few sentences in English together:

Excuse me, where should I throw this?

Can I put this in the rubbish bin?

At the same time, we also talked about the basic knowledge of waste sorting.

After discussing these, I felt the task was complete and was about to end the topic when I was suddenly touched by a detail:

He clearly didn't know how to handle it, but still chose not to throw it away carelessly, instead bringing it home quietly.

This made me realize that behind this small matter lies something deeper: it’s not that he is following the rules, but that this environment makes him willing to follow the rules.

In such an atmosphere, the child automatically internalizes an attitude:

Not because someone is watching, so he doesn’t litter; but because he knows that the people here don’t do that, and that there should be order here.

The environment is not noisy, not pushy, and not competitive; no one rushes ahead, and no one is pushed along.

Naturally, he slowly gets used to waiting a bit, thinking a bit, and then reacting.

I began to understand that New Zealand's education, or rather their social atmosphere, is not built on "regulations" to establish a sense of rules, but rather nourished by the "environment" to cultivate a sense of order.

This feeling should have been sensed from the first day we arrived. For example, on the first day I rented a car and bumped into someone; the other party was also calm and unhurried, just handling it slowly and telling me: Don't worry; or when I saw that in this small town, even without electronic eyes and traffic lights, everyone still follows traffic rules and waits for pedestrians to cross, even if they are driving a Lamborghini, they are still unhurried; or when a friend shared that when fishing in NZ, fish of a certain length must be returned to the sea, but no one watches you during the fishing process, emphasizing self-discipline.

Everything here says: you are respected, so you will naturally respect this land, others, and yourself.

Finally, regarding his status at school, he is still playing with Chinese children. Although I encourage him to step out of his social circle, there are still significant obstacles, and sometimes I feel he looks a bit lonely.

But perhaps I am overthinking; maybe he is not sad or lonely, and perhaps he is adapting to this world in his own way, at his own pace.

I remind myself: our biggest challenge is not to shield the child from the wind and rain, but to avoid excessive anxiety and not rush to pave the way for him during his gradual growth, just quietly watching, accompanying, and waiting:

Waiting for him to say his first proactive English sentence, waiting for him to make his first friend, waiting for the moment he steps into the crowd by himself.

Loneliness is not necessarily a bad thing; sometimes it is preparation before departure.

Let’s go! After today’s class, this week’s learning will be perfectly concluded!

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