"A Handbook for Girls to Prevent Being Deceived by Men - A Master’s Perspective from Males"

After reading the article about the doll, I was quite moved. The biggest takeaway is that even someone as strong as Sister Doll can be pure or foolishly naive in love, which is shocking yet understandable.

People meet, fall in love, and even get married often without any training or learning—despite these being the most important matters, we almost all enter these situations without much thought or preparation.

One example is that if one does not think clearly, even someone as strong as Wang Shi can be reduced to a clumsy and confused fool.

In Doll's article, I see a girl who is very emotionally sensitive and attentive to her own feelings, and such girls are most easily swayed by the least important yet most dangerous things.

Below is a self-assessment form. If your answers to the following questions are "yes," scoring 2 points for each question, and you score 10 points, then your risk of being deceived in love is 10 points, and you will become the protagonist in countless repetitive tragic stories.

1. Are you easily moved by some trivial gestures?

"Traveling across the sea to see you" is, of course, very romantic and touching.

But think carefully, what is the motivation? Is it the pure love of a 17-year-old without motives? Or the mindless scheming of a 27-year-old? Either way, it seems to be an economically irrational behavior set up purely to trigger a certain type of love-struck girl.

In simple terms, it can be touching—but that’s not important. What matters is who the other person is, not just because a dog does this for me, I feel moved. This should be common sense, but girls in love often struggle to reflect this in their daily lives.

2. Do you unconsciously regard looks/comfort/smile as the highest or very high standard for being moved?

Making a serious investment decision is a serious matter; I do not allow myself to invest heavily in a coin just because its logo looks good or its name sounds nice like "Great Universe." If it’s great but happens to have that name, of course, it’s a bonus. For example, if Jeff had named HYPE "Great Universe" when developing it, I would definitely laugh.

Think about it: looks/comfort/smile are all great, but how important are they in the context of a long-term relationship? At least their priority should be lower.

If Sister Doll had a god's perspective, she could probably judge what kind of person they are in advance, and she should not feel any fondness for someone who shows up with a surfboard and smiles brightly in the sunlight.

3. Are you easily in love with the idea of love rather than the person?

Being in love with the idea of love means, for example, you can’t even figure out what you like about the other person, but you can still get lost in your thoughts, feeling pain and crying, feeling self-aware in that pain (of course, this is ineffective for someone like Huanggua Cat @0xPickleCati, as she can make a million dollars in a single trade, claiming her success comes from being reborn from extreme pain).

The difference between loving the person and loving the idea of love is that those who love the idea of love are controlled by the hormones in their brains, projecting their understanding of love directly onto this inappropriate individual.

For example, between Doll and her first boyfriend, Doll has already gone all in, but her boyfriend receives the signal that "the way you look at me is somewhat similar to that girl from yesterday; that little girl is really easy to fool."

But I must emphasize that I believe those who go all in for love are worthy of respect—if their partner is the same, then it’s what they call a fateful encounter, surpassing countless others.

4. Are you prone to making excuses for the other person?

An extreme case of a love-struck brain is: being abused and thinking the other person only hits me because they love me; why don’t they hit others?

This is exaggerated, but essentially, like investing, quality stocks can rise beyond imagination, while junk stocks can fall to unimaginable lows.

When the cognitive and value differences between both parties are vast, you cannot change anyone—changing a person's thoughts is the hardest thing in the world, and any excuse-making is akin to the difficulty of stopping losses in investing.

5. Do you tend to seek a sweet atmosphere while easily ignoring whether you are a person worthy of love?

In love, losing oneself means interpreting a reply as "he loves me," and if he disappears for half a day, it’s a death spiral of calls, always fearing the other person will cheat or deceive. In reality, a comfortable relationship is one where you trust him and also trust yourself.

Whether you are a person worthy of love is very important—this applies to both genders (of course, especially for men, who should be sternly criticized for behaviors like being unable to move on after a breakup, as it is crucial for men to improve and perfect themselves and keep looking forward).

Additionally, I recall a joke (unrelated to this article, just found it funny): so-called love is when both parties are clearly unattractive yet still fear that the other will be taken away by someone else.

The above five points are very common, especially among girls with little romantic experience and high intelligence from reading more, as more reading leads to richer emotions and more thoughts, thus allowing them to create many non-existent scenarios in their minds.

Just like when we were in school, if you were a poor student and saw "There are two trees in front of my house, one is a jujube tree, and the other is also a jujube tree," the poor student would react, "Can’t you just say there are two jujube trees in front of my house?" But someone like Sister Doll, who is emotionally rich, might suddenly burst into tears, and when asked what’s wrong, she would say, "I feel the jujube trees are so lonely…"

OK, back to the main topic, what is important? First, use the process of elimination; unimportant things should be passed over first, as these are distractions (you can like them or use them as reasons to delve into research, but they should not be the basis for final decisions), including but not limited to:

1. Everything related to appearance.

First of all, I know appearance is important. Just like when I look for a girlfriend, the other person might be excellent, but if they are unattractive, I can only seriously say, "I’ve always regarded you as a buddy."—I certainly understand that everyone seeks the most appealing looks within their suitable range.

However, appearance can only be part of your focus. After all, if you put 100 beautiful women in front of me and ask me to choose who looks the best based solely on appearance, I would find it very difficult; perhaps only the "next one" would be the best looking (male psychology).

2. Everything external, such as what perfume to wear, what watch to have, what car to drive, whether the muscles are eight-pack or one-pack—these may be important to you at some point, but they are not the focus, because if he is suitable, you can dress him up in any style you want…

3. Any single statement or any point that moves you (can only serve as triggers, not to elevate the weight of your choices).

People are complex, but girls are very emotional and can easily simplify their judgments based on something the other person says—like, last time he said something, I immediately lost interest (but she quickly sees a handsome guy and regains interest).

Do not judge the other person’s worth based on one or two statements.

Because everyone’s growth environment and living habits are different, and if the time spent together is short, one or two statements may lead you to think you understand the other person, but that may be far from enough. After all, it takes time to know a horse's strength—observing from a specific angle has value, but do not focus too much on these; look at the bigger picture.

Now let’s directly discuss the most important observation points:

1. Kindness Index

This is a very vague yet impactful dimension.

I remember a big shot who, when others accused him of exploiting people, said, "You can’t say that. It’s like when I drive and accidentally run over a chick or a puppy; can you blame me?" The logic is clear, but you can only feel indifference. If you were in a relationship with him and ended up jumping off a building, he might even laugh—being in such a relationship, would you not be afraid?

Everyone is imperfect and has many errors or selfish thoughts, but kind people have some inexplicable persistence, such as if the other person is good to me, I cannot bear to hurt them. Even if they realize they cannot overcome their own shortcomings, they might only be able to be honest and apologize to the other person. Kind people are more inclined to give back to the other person—especially to those who go all in for themselves—rather than to take or exploit.

Everyone has different temperaments and personalities, and any two people together need a process of adjustment. Kind people can naturally and gently merge together, while unkind people will have a much more painful process. Basically, I think most conflicts and pains stem from the unkindness of human nature—these are not visible when feelings are strong; the darkness of human nature often manifests when you are at your weakest, but by then, it’s too late.

How to judge the kindness index? Liking cats and dogs does not necessarily mean one is kind; this is actually a comprehensive judgment. If you are inherently kind, you should be able to easily recognize kindness. Some dimensions to consider:

What kind of people are the other person's parents? Are they kind to others?

What kind of people are the other person's best friends?

Are they trustworthy and friendly?

Are they compassionate?

Are they humble and caring towards those in lower positions than themselves, rather than looking down on them or feeling proud?

Do they not have obvious admiration or even sycophancy towards the powerful?

2. Optimism Index

Being together inherently involves a lot of adjustment and pain, and a shared future will also present many challenges. An optimistic person will continuously provide strength, moving forward together and building deeper feelings along the way. What about a pessimistic person? They can easily become depressed and irritable, lacking the energy and spirit to engage with you and the world. The optimism and pessimism index can actually be easily misjudged; being optimistic does not necessarily mean showing a lot of teeth when smiling or being cheerful. An extreme example is some depressed individuals who might be laughing and eating with others in the morning but suddenly be seen dancing in the rain in a red suit. Optimism is more about an attitude towards life, facing difficulties with a smile.

"Everything is the best arrangement."

Pessimism, on the other hand, is characterized by frowning, irritability, opposition, dissatisfaction, and thinking negatively about others. This point is crucial for comfortable and lasting interactions.

3. Growth Index

It’s not that being complacent is bad; it’s not necessary to always strive for progress. However, a relationship where both parties grow together is the most progressive. Supporting each other, learning from one another, and mutually respecting and admiring each other are actually key to long-term growth. But most people cannot grow; it may be due to an intellectual mismatch where one does not understand the need for continuous growth, or it may be due to personality traits that dislike growth. However, good relationships actually require growth. A counterexample is some couples who have fought their whole lives and are still arguing or even seeking divorce at 70; their lifelong war shows that neither has grown. A good relationship is one where both choose to become better versions of themselves and be more likable within the relationship.

4. Emotional Stability

Can problems be communicated? Is there honesty in communication? Is there a strong desire to improve? Even when there are differing opinions or extreme anger, can one restrain themselves from crossing the line? For example, maintaining a certain level of self-control.

A couple argues, and the wife destroys the living room while simultaneously posting a TikTok with sad music. Fortunately, a clever netizen quickly comments: "Do you still need that green stool? If not, can you send it to me?"

5. Responsibility Index

A mature investor has a sense of responsibility; whether they profit or lose, they do not seek to defend their rights. They thank everyone who shares information with them and have their own judgments, while those without responsibility are different: they take credit for profits but blame others for losses.

In relationships, any problem is the other person's fault; they are never wrong or only slightly wrong, always maintaining a victim mentality, which can be fatal in long-term relationships.

This point can be particularly painful for girls and is a reason many girls feel they age three years after dating for just six months, as they argue daily without any logic. The above five points are very important; if you grasp these five points, it’s perfectly fine to look for your preferred appearance, style, and smile within this framework.

But I must remind you of one last thing: in all love, if only one point can be emphasized, it is this:

You must be a person worthy of love.

What it means to be worthy of love is that you should possess as many of the above five points as possible while also respecting the other person.

**

Finally, if you are fortunate enough to meet the right person, the last two words are the most important: "respect."

You cannot be subservient to your boss at work, smile brightly at colleagues, and then be indifferent to your partner at home. Relationships require nurturing, and respect should be the foundation for continuous care.

@hongkongdoll

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